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THE PERFECT DAY (Blatantly stolen from an early ’90s era Glamour magazine) |
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SHE: |
HE: |
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8:45 a.m. Wake up thin. |
10:00 a.m. Wake up. |
| 8:50 a.m. Hugs and kisses. |
10:02 a.m. Oral sex. |
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9:30 a.m. Light breakfast. |
10:45 a.m. Big breakfast. |
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11:00 a.m. Sunbathe. |
11:30 a.m. Drive up coast in Ferrari Testarosa with outrageous blonde. |
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12:00 p.m. Lunch with best friend at outdoor café. |
2:15 p.m. Enormous lunch |
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1:30 p.m. Shopping. |
3:00 p.m. Oral sex in the sand. |
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1:45 p.m. Run into boyfriend’s ex. Notice she’s gained 30 pounds. |
3:30 p.m. Sports with the guys. |
| 3:00 p.m. Facial massage and nap. |
3:31 p.m. Drink beer. |
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7:30 p.m. Candlelit dinner a deux and dancing. |
4:30 p.m. Hang out with guys at the bar. |
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10:00 p.m. Make love. |
5:30 p.m. Meet Angelina Jolie and get her number. |
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11:00 p.m. Pillow talk in his big, strong arms. |
5:45 p.m. Oral sex. |
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8:00 p.m. Huge dinner. More beer. |
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11:00 p.m. Full-on, get-down gorilla sex. |
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